Solo vacations can work - if the couple's relationship does, if they have a committed relationship that is healthy and sound.
"If there is a strength in the couple, it can be seen as a healthy thing - that there is independence," said Montreal psychologist Marla Yanofsky.
Context is important: If one likes spa vacations and the other likes fishing holidays and they decide to pursue their different interests on separate trips, that's one thing. But if she says she wants a vacation on her own because she needs a break from him, it's another entirely, said Yanofsky, a principal with the Montreal Family Centre.
When the only vacations a couple takes are apart, that's a red flag, says Montreal psychotherapist Betty Goldwarg, a sign of trouble. "When there is no time alone as a couple and you are each taking a separate trip, I think you are at risk for problems," she said. "Relationships need to be nurtured. They need to be tended to."
The notion of separate travel can open a Pandora's Box for some couples, suggested Loris Peternelli, a clinical psychologist who teaches at Vanier College. "I think two issues would probably come up: One would be trust and the other one would be your own insecurities about the other person going away: Would they have more fun without you? Or would they potentially meet someone else?"
Laurie Betito, a Montreal clinical psychologist and sex therapist, is the host of Passion, a phone-in show on CJAD 800 in Montreal about sex, love and relationships. When she did a program on the topic of separate vacations, callers were divided: Some said they thought it was a good idea; others weren't so sure.
Hannah Steinwald, a professor at Vanier and a psychotherapist at the Behaviour Modification Institute and in private practice, asked students in her Sex and Relationships class why they think couples would take separate vacations. Interestingly, their responses were all over the map: because one was fooling around, students suggested, and was meeting someone else. Because one partner has more vacation time than the other - or a more flexible schedule.
Because they wanted time alone, away from each other.
Because they are bored with the routine of their lives.
Because they are trying to decide whether they should stay together - and they want to see if they are happy to come together again after being apart.
Or maybe, students suggested more optimistically, part of why couples vacation separately is to rekindle the flame there once was between them.
http://www.canada.com/topics/travel/story.html?id=f258200e-a075-4a8c-9dec-188f41374055
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